What motivates people to seek out love?
Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.
How does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love?
Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!
Does it always work this way?
No, an interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can't believe that another persons finds us attractive — like the Groucho Marx joke where we don't want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don't feel good about ourselves.
When do we fall in love?
Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 1/3 to 40 percent of the time. Of course, this varies from culture to culture. Falling in love happens differently between cultures but it does occur in most cultures.
How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?
This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.
How do you explain that?
We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.
Ok, I know, this scientific bullshit is kinda boring, but you may find out that it is actually true. So, give it a chance!
I admit, this time, I averted expressing my thoughts on the subject, but I'll come back to it....someday:)
miercuri, 19 noiembrie 2008
Why do we love?
Now, this is a good question. For starters, I will direct you to a blog I found interesting in this matter.Secondly, here's a couple of scientific explanations to falling in love: